Lentorama 2025: Perfunctory Popes

Day 25: David I

The rise of David I to the papal throne was an accident. When the conclave that "elected" him was in its 25th day of stalemate, Cardinal Rocco was finally able to convince the electors to support Cardinal Albini, the favored candidate of the organized crime figures that were the power behind Rocco. 

The problem is that the name of the elected candidate is listed as Albinizi, who turned out not to be a cardinal but a parish priest named David Albinizi.  Upon taking office, David became friends with the head of his security detail and the nun who saw after his household, but he made little headway with the Curia and the cardinals who wanted a Mafia-friendly pope. 

David survived an assassination attempt, and after mulling abdication decided to stay in office. He doubled down on addressing the corruption inside the Vatican Bank, removing Cardinal Rocco from office due to his involvement. Rocco then tried to blackmail the pope with news of a son, whom the pope fathered before becoming a priest. But it turned out the son, now a rock star, was dating the daughter of Corelli, one of the important Mafia figures trying to take over the Vatican. Corelli planted a bomb to kill the son, but accidentally killed his daughter as well.

David stayed in office long enough to dissolve the Vatican Bank, but was forced to abdicate when the news that he had an affair that resulted in a son went public. This led to the quick election of Cardinal Albini, who it turned out was actually Corelli in disguise. David went to the Sistine Chapel to try to prevent Albini's coronation, but was too late. Now Vittorio I, Albini/Corelli celebrated by firing gunshots into the ceiling - and was killed by falling plaster. 

Thoroughly shaken by the turn of events, the College of Cardinals made the nun who ran David's household the new pope. 

 Lentorama 2025: Perfunctory Popes

Day 24: Leo VI

As with Leo V, this Leo was elected during a period of time where the papacy was under the control of local nobles. Or their wives.

In this case, it was Marozia, wife of the Margrave of Tuscany, who got Leo onto the throne. Marioza was powerful in her own right, and used her relationships with powerful men to build her own power base. She was reputed to be the lover of Pope Sergius III, and that their son was Pope John XI.  Marioza is thought to have been directly related to six popes - one son, two grandsons, two great grandsons, and one great great grandson. The description of this period as the "pornocracy" is related to how Marioza and her sister Theodora used sex to gain power and influence in Rome.

All of that is much more interesting than the actual reign of Leo VI. He spent a fair amount of time trying to get the church in Dalmatia under papal control, and he banned castrati from marrying. He died after about seven months in office

 Lentorama 2025: Perfunctory Popes

Day 23: Leo II

Leo was born in Sicily, but left for Rome (along with many other clergy) in the face of raids on that island by forces loyal to Caliph Uthman. Not much is known of his pre-pope life in Rome, other than that he had an interest in music and showed great charity towards the poor.

Leo was elected pope early in 681, but wasn't consecrated until August of the following year. His predecessor, Pope St. Agatho, had entered into negotiations with the Byzantine emperor to change the ways in which the empire was involved in papal elections. Rather than make him pope and potentially throw these discussions off, Leo had to wait until the negotiations ran their course.

So for waiting nearly a year and a half to officially become pope, Leo served in the role for just under a year. His main accomplishment was supporting and publicizing the church's stance against monothelitism, which we talked about earlier. He died in June 673, and became a saint sometime afterwards (there's no information that I could find about how and when he became a saint).

Lentorama 2025: Perfunctory Popes

Day 22: Leo V

Yes, I am starting a run of Leos (which I should have started with Leo XI, so much for planning ahead). Leo isn't quite as fraught a name as Celestine, but there are a pretty good number of Leos who didn't see out a year in office.

In the case of Leo V, he was elected in 903 and served during the second half of the year. It says something about the power of the papacy at the time that the historical record can only pin down Leo's time in office in general terms. He was the last pope to serve before a period known in the church as the saeculum obscurum, known more colorfully as the Pornocracy or Rule of the Harlots. Covering most of the 10th century, this was a period where the papacy fell under the influence of the Theophylacti, a local noble family that used the power of its members, friends, and hangers-on to get who they wanted made pope.

Leo didn't have much time in office - about the only thing we know that he did was enact a bull that exempted the canons of Bologna from paying taxes - before being deposed by Christopher, a Roman cardinal-priest. Leo was likely imprisoned while Christopher proclaimed himself pope. He didn't last much longer than Leo did, being imprisoned by the Theophylacti, who then got Sergius III onto the throne.

We don't know much about what happened to Leo after all this happened, other than that he died the following year. We know even less about what happened to Christopher. It's likely both died in captivity, possibly in a monastery rather than prison. It's also possible that one (or both) were killed in prison to remove any threat to Sergius. 

 Lentorama 2025: Perfunctory Popes

Day 21: Celestine V

We end out run of Celestines today with the most recent of the group (recent being a relative term, as he served in 1294). So out of five popes named Celestine, three served for less than a year. Which explains why no one has decided to become Celestine VI.

In any case, Pietro Angelerio lost his father at a young age, and his mother encouraged him into spiritual pursuits. He took to study, and became a Benedictine monk as a teenager. He became a hermit and moved to a cave on a local mountain, where his ascetic lifestyle and rumored miracle working gave him a following among the locals.

Pietro then founded a new monastic order in 1244 that merged his spiritual practice with the Benedictine rule and some of the beliefs of a reformist group of Franciscans. He had to come off his mountain and travel to Lyon in order to make sure Pope Gregory X would approve of the order, which he did. At its height, the new order (eventually named the Celestines) would have over 600 monks in 36 monasteries.

Fast forward to 1294. For two years, the cardinals had been trying to elect a success to Nicholas IV, but to no avail. The cardinals then get a letter from Pietro, warning them of divine displeasure if they don't come up with a pope soon. The dead of the college of cardinals called for Pietro's election, which was quickly ratified. 

Not that he wanted the job. Pietro steadfastly refused it, and it took a delegation of cardinals, the king of Naples, and the pretender to the throne of Hungary to talk him into the job. He was crowned August 29, 1294, taking the name Celestine V.

Celestine probably should have stuck to his initial instincts, as he was not a great pope. He ruled from the Kingdom of Naples, which both weakened his influence over the Curia and made him prone to appointing the king's favorites to various positions. He also kept trying to go back to his austere lifestyle, which was largely incompatible with running the church.

Aware of the problems he faced (and largely created), Celestine passed one final degree that gave the pope the right to resign. He exercised that right on December 13, 1294, after a little more than five months in office. For his trouble he did not get to go back to his mountain, but was held in captivity by his successor, Boniface VIII, who feared Celestine could be made an antipope. Celestine died in captivity 10 months later, and was made a saint in 1313 (both for his piety and as a snub to Boniface).

For his short term in office and mostly ineffectual papacy, Celestine did manage a couple of important things. He reaffirmed the stricter rules for conclaves that Gregory X first promoted, and which are largely followed today. He also formalized papal abdication, which became noteworthy when Benedict XVI resigned in 2013.

 Lentorama 2025: Perfunctory Popes

Day 20: Celestine II

Guido di Castello was born to a noble Italian family, studied with Peter Abelard, and entered the church after some time as a school master. He rose through a variety of positions, was made a cardinal, and backed Innocent II in the double election of 1130. 

Backing Innocent paid off, as Guido was elected to succeed him in 1143. He started to chart a different course from Innocent, reversing some of his diplomatic decisions while also showing support for groups like the Templars and the Hospitallers. His most notable achievement was ending the conflict with Louis VII of France, who got the entire country put under an interdict by Innocent after Louis refused to let the new archbishop of Bourges enter the city.

Celestine died less than six months after being elected. It's worth noting that he wasn't actually the first Celestine II. In 1124, Teobaldo Boccapecci was elected pope and took the name Celestine II, but he resigned the following day when supporters of the Holy Roman Empire stormed his investiture and tried to name someone else as pope. Boccapecci was injured in the fracas, and there's some thought that he died shortly afterwards, which would be fitting for this series.

For the more conspiratorially-minded, Celestine II is the first pope mentioned in the Prophecy of the Popes, a list allegedly drawn up by Saint Malachy in the 12th century that predicted all the future popes up to "Peter the Roman," who will be pope when the city of Rome is destroyed.

 Lentorama 2025: Perfunctory Popes

Day 18: Celestine IV

Born Goffredo Castiglione, Celestine doesn't enter the historical record until he became chancellor of the church in his native Milan. He was made a cardinal in 1227, and alternated between diocesan work and diplomatic work representing the church in the ongoing struggle between the Holy Roman Emperor, Frederick II, and the Lombard League (which had its own factions at odds with each other over supporting either the emperor or the pope).

This political turmoil dominated the election of 1241, with the small college of cardinals (numbering no more than 14) further limited by two of their number being held captive by Frederick. The group was split on the topic of how the new pope should deal with Frederick, and was unable to get to a two-thirds vote for a candidate. 

The cardinals had been confined to a Roman monastery by Senator Matteo Rosso Orsini, and the conditions didn't help matters. The space was hot, but with a leaky roof that let the rain in, and the amount of food on hand was minimal. The conditions were blamed for the death of one cardinal, and likely contributed to the death of Celestine.

Already one of the oldest cardinals (he was over 60!), his age and deteriorating health was thought to have contributed to his election (the cardinals looking to kick the can down the road... but not that far down). Elected on October 25, Celestine lasted all of 17 days before dying prior to his coronation. The one thing that he appeared to have been able to do during his time in office? Excommunicate Matteo Rosso Orsini. Whether it was for the lack of food or drippy ceiling was not recorded.

 Lentorama 2025: Perfunctory Popes

Day 19: Valentine

Valentine became pope upon the death of Eugene II, who rumor suggested was actually Valentine's father or his lover. Still, the rumors didn't stop the people, clergy, and nobles of Rome from making him pope in 827. As we've seen with other popes, the election process at this point was nothing like it is today, so it's not unusual that Valentine was made pope without a formal vote among the cardinals.

What was unusual was that Valentine took office without being ordained. This was the first time in recorded history that the new pope hadn't been made a priest beforehand (Valentine had served in various diaconate roles prior to his election). Perhaps less unusual is that Valentine was made pope over his own objections, whatever they may have been.

If those objections were health-related then the crowd should have paid heed, as Valentine died roughly 40 days after becoming pope. There's no record of anything that Valentine did while pope, but his election did illustrate the growing power of Roman nobility over papal elections.