Mike Huckabee has Chuck Norris, and now John McCain has Sly. So who would the other candidates have to back them up?

Mitt Romney: Arnold Schwarzenegger. Both are/were Republican governors of states that aren't thought of as conservative. Neither had elected experience before becoming governor. Arnie had well-sculpted pecs. Mitt has well-sculpted hair. Both have killed alien life forms that have the power of invisibility. They're perfect for each other.

Rudy Guiliani: Harrison Ford. Everybody loved you - for a time. You even had a moment where you looked completely Presidential. Now, you've had your mid-life crisis, done some odd things (ranting about ferrets and Six Days, Seven Nights, respectively), and remain on the edge of relevance with a level of popularity that's surprisingly soft.

Ron Paul: Nicolas Cage. Neither seems to belong in the category they're in, and neither really started out in a way that would make you thing they'd be where they are now (Paul is a doctor, while Cage's first role was in Fast Times at Ridgemont High). Both have popularity beyond what you'd expect. And both are loony tunes.

And for the Dems...

Barack Obama: Wesley Snipes. Always bet on black.

Hillary Clinton: Linda Hamilton. There aren't that many female action stars, and comparing Hillary to a man would probably lead to some sort of protest. So I'm going with Hamilton based on both women having matrimonial difficulties. Hamilton has been married three times, while Clinton... well, you know that story. Both also achieved their greatest success after moving to New York to pursue a career. Which is something, I suppose.

John Edwards: Steven Segal. He's always fighting on the side of the people, which befits the new, populist stance that Edwards is using. Both also continued on long after the point where they should have moved on and done something else with their lives.

Dennis Kucinich: I have nothing. It's hard to come up with an action star for someone whose campaign website touts "Strength Through Peace." Suggestions welcome!

(UPDATE: Kucinich has saved us the trouble of finding him an action star by dropping out of the race. The article I read on this reminded me that Mike Gravel is still in it, though, so I have to pick someone for him. I'm going with Ron Ely, best known for playing Tarzan back in the day. Like Gravel, you barely know who he is (if at all) and haven't seen him in quite some time.)