Three things I was thinking about this whole President Obama birth certificate nonsense:

1. I feel fairly certain that the timing of the release was meant to give Donald Trump a boost. Because if you're the president, and you see a chance to have Donald Trump as your opponent in November, you'd do something to help along, wouldn't you? Even if he's just a free-spending loose cannon in the primaries, that's got to help.

2. Also smart timing in releasing the birth certificate while the rank and file are distracted by the royal wedding. The story was out of the news cycle by the time your late local news was giving you tips on appropriate pet attire for the nuptuals.

3. I was amused to hear Trump say he was pleased with himself over the release, as I think he's the sort of guy who is pleased with himself whenever he does something. I'm sure there are mornings when he gets out of the bathroom full of pride at the size and uniformity of color of his, uh, leavings.

Barring a last-minute change, it appears that the coming Super Bowl will be the first one ever to not have cheerleaders, as neither Green Bay nor Pittsburgh have squads.

Really, what's the point of cheerleaders on the NFL level? The crowds are too big to have cheerleaders effectively lead cheers; odds are that most of the stadium can't even see them, much less respond to what they're doing. Really, they're there to look purty and give the TV cameras something else to shoot. Based on usefulness to the game as a whole, cheerleaders are the appendix of NFL football.

I know, the women on the squads are nice people and do stuff in the community and cheerleading is a traditional part of football and blah blah blah. But for me, they will not be missed.

Our Fox affiliate, whose news department hasn't found a three day old story that it can't repackage as current news, had some sort of report last night about hypermiling. If hypermiling sounds familiar, it's because it was big news in, what, June?

I suppose they were reacting to news that the New Oxford American Dictionary dubbed hypermiling word of the year status for 2008. Personally, I'd have gone with staycation, and am surprised that it didn't get off the short list. I've not heard any of the other finalists in day to day parlance other than toxic debt, which is kind of a stupid choice for a finalist.

Still, way to be on the ball, Fox 25. I'm looking forward to your upcoming report about Hurricane Gustav.

It's things like this that make me think that maybe we should never count Florida's votes for anything ever again.

Mike Huckabee has Chuck Norris, and now John McCain has Sly. So who would the other candidates have to back them up?

Mitt Romney: Arnold Schwarzenegger. Both are/were Republican governors of states that aren't thought of as conservative. Neither had elected experience before becoming governor. Arnie had well-sculpted pecs. Mitt has well-sculpted hair. Both have killed alien life forms that have the power of invisibility. They're perfect for each other.

Rudy Guiliani: Harrison Ford. Everybody loved you - for a time. You even had a moment where you looked completely Presidential. Now, you've had your mid-life crisis, done some odd things (ranting about ferrets and Six Days, Seven Nights, respectively), and remain on the edge of relevance with a level of popularity that's surprisingly soft.

Ron Paul: Nicolas Cage. Neither seems to belong in the category they're in, and neither really started out in a way that would make you thing they'd be where they are now (Paul is a doctor, while Cage's first role was in Fast Times at Ridgemont High). Both have popularity beyond what you'd expect. And both are loony tunes.

And for the Dems...

Barack Obama: Wesley Snipes. Always bet on black.

Hillary Clinton: Linda Hamilton. There aren't that many female action stars, and comparing Hillary to a man would probably lead to some sort of protest. So I'm going with Hamilton based on both women having matrimonial difficulties. Hamilton has been married three times, while Clinton... well, you know that story. Both also achieved their greatest success after moving to New York to pursue a career. Which is something, I suppose.

John Edwards: Steven Segal. He's always fighting on the side of the people, which befits the new, populist stance that Edwards is using. Both also continued on long after the point where they should have moved on and done something else with their lives.

Dennis Kucinich: I have nothing. It's hard to come up with an action star for someone whose campaign website touts "Strength Through Peace." Suggestions welcome!

(UPDATE: Kucinich has saved us the trouble of finding him an action star by dropping out of the race. The article I read on this reminded me that Mike Gravel is still in it, though, so I have to pick someone for him. I'm going with Ron Ely, best known for playing Tarzan back in the day. Like Gravel, you barely know who he is (if at all) and haven't seen him in quite some time.)

From an AP story about Queen Elizabeth II's recent state visit to the US:

"The queen concluded a rigorous schedule of events marked by frequent changes in dress and a series of colorful hats."

I wasn't aware that the queen was here to put on her one-woman show about Bella Abzug.