Lentorama 2009: Great(?) Moments in Catholics on Television

May 15, 2005: Bart Simpson wants to become Catholic

After getting expelled from Springfield Elementary for a prank he did not commit, Marge enrolls bart at St. Jerome's Catholic School. He's resistant due to the school's strict discipline, but comes around after he talks with Father Sean (voiced by Liam Neeson), whose less than ideal childhood and comic books about the lives of saints does the trick. When Homer goes to the school to talk to Father Sean, he winds up wanting to convert as well (such is the power of pancake suppers and Bingo).

From there, Marge enlists the help of Reverend Lovejoy and Ned Flanders to bring Bart and Homer back to the one true faith (the Western Branch of American Reform Presbylutheranism). She fears that she'll be in Protestant heaven (full of croquet-playing WASPs) while they'll be in Catholic heaven (full of Irish step dancing and pinatas).

The conflict culminates in a showdown at a Protestant youth festival, where Bart brings peace by noting that Christians should be united by their big stupid similarities, not separated by their small stupid differences. Which, a thousand years later, leads to two sects of Bart-worshipers to go to war over his true message: love and tolerance versus understanding and peace. Perhaps not as unlikely an ending as we'd like to believe.

A bit of a Lentorama extra today, as there's word of this report noting that the number of Catholics in New England has dropped quite a bit. Since 1990, there was a 15 percent drop in the number of people who self-identified as Catholics, while in that same time the number of people who didn't identify with any religion went up 14 percent.

Nationally, the number stayed about the same, thanks in large part to Hispanic immigration, which is also considered to be the main factor in the growth of Catholic populations in the south and west. Perhaps I should start doing the Lentorama in Spanish?

Lentorama 2009: Great(?) Moments in Catholics on Television

March 29, 1983: Father Ralph and Meggie break at least one commandment on The Thorn Birds

A multi-generational story of love and loss set (primarily) in the Australian outback, The Thorn Birds focused on the relationship between Father Ralph de Bricassart (Richard Chamberlain), a priest sent into the wild due to past transgressions, and Meggie Cleary (Rachel Ward), the neice of sheep station owner Mary Carson (Barbara Stanwyck).

When Father Ralph rejects Mary's advances, she (seeing his developing relationship with Meggie) leaves her substantial fortune to the Catholic church with Father Ralph as executor. This will secure his rapid advancement, but only if he leaves Meggie behind. His ambition trumps his heart, and he leaves. Meggie would fall into a loveless marriage, bear a daughter, and eventually move away from the station.

Years later, Father Ralph returns and joins Meggie while she is away from home, and at the end of their time together they finally consummate their relationship. Nine months later, Meggie has a son, Dane, who is understood to be Father Ralph's son, although he's not aware of it - even when, as an adult, Dane travels to Rome to become a priest under his father's tutelage.

Not surprisingly, ABC ran into a little trouble with sponsors over the adulterous priest angle of the story, with some sponsors either dropping ads altogether or only advertising during earlier, non-adulterous episodes. That the miniseries aired during Holy Week was also a point of contention with Catholic organizations. And while it wasn't known at the time, you have to figure that a couple people were retroactively irked when Chamberlain finally outed himself.

None of this stopped the viewers from tuning in, as the miniseries averaged a 41 rating and 59 share, with this episode ranking as one of the most-watched broadcasts in TV history. Thus reinforcing the adage that there's no such thing as bad publicity.

Lentorama 2009: Great(?) Moments in Catholics on Television

September 20, 1978: McLean Stevenson puts on the collar.

None of the actors who left M*A*S*H early were able to find anything close to that show's success in later projects. About the best any of them did was Wayne Rogers, who found his greatest success not on stage but in the market. McLean Stevenson was no different, as his first post-Henry Blake role, as Father Daniel Cleary in the short-lived NBC sitcom In the Beginning attested.

Father Clearly was a traditional priest who would have much preferred a sedate parish to the storefront church in Baltimore that he finds himself at in the show's pilot. He's teamed with a streetwise nun who grew up in the neighborhood, and for all of her success in dealing with the locals he spends most of his time trying to get out from serving with "Atilla the Nun."

The show lasted a month before getting the axe. It was no Hello, Larry.

Lentorama 2009: Great(?) Moments in Catholics on Television

March 2, 1989: Madonna's "Like a Prayer" video debuts as part of a Pepsi ad.

I'm not clear why Pepsi thought a Madonna-based ad airing during The Cosby Show would be a natural fit to begin with, but when you throw in stigmata, burning crosses, and an apparent affair between the singer and Saint Martin de Porres, it really doesn't make sense.

Not surprisingly, the backlash came quickly, leading Pepsi to pull the ad and put the kibosh on the two other ads called for in their $5 million deal with the singer. She got to keep the cash, and the publicity didn't hurt her album of the same name, which sold 11 million copies worldwide.

The video would debut on MTV the following day (the network being immune to backlash, as it's clearly run by heathens), and would go on to win the Viewer's Choice Award at that year's VMAs, and would later crop up on pretty much every list of the greatest/most daring videos of all time.

I would like to think that I had something to do with this result. Well, something more than just voting for it several times.

I will say that I'm surprised that ten times as many people voted for the memorial than Old Ironsides. That just seems wrong. I would be interested in seeing the complete vote totals, though they don't seem to be available on the state's website.

Lentorama 2009: Great(?) Moments in Catholics on Television

February 5, 1953: Bishop Fulton J. Sheen wins his first Emmy Award

For someone working for one of the least progressive organizations, Bishop Fulton Sheen had a keen sense of how technology could impact religion. Well known for his studies in theology and philosophy, Sheen supplemented his teaching work with a radio show, The Catholic Hour, that ran from 1930 to 1950. In 1951, when he was made auxiliary bishop of New York, he decided to move into the new medium of television.

His show, Life is Worth Living, saw him discuss religious questions and issues of the day, all from a Catholic point of view. He quickly became one of the best-known figures on the DuMont Network, and even after its collapse he found a home at ABC, where his program aired until 1957. He would have his own syndicated show in the 1960s, using basically the same format.

But back to his Emmy win. He won the Emmy in 1953 for Most Outstanding Personality, beating out Lucille Ball, Jimmy Durante, Arthur Godfrey, Edward R. Murrow, Donald O'Connor, and Adlai Stevenson (who apparently couldn't beat anybody), which is a pretty impressive group of people.

On the down side, Sheen did popularize the use of television to prostelytize, opening the door for anyone who could figure out a way to use Bible quotes to get viewers to send them money. Not everyone is holding this against him, though, as there's a movement afoot to canonize Sheen. I assume the miracles credited to him will involve fixing wonky vertical holds.

Lentorama 2009: Great(?) Moments in Catholics on Television

January 20, 1999: Josiah Bartlet is sworn in as President of the United States

Bartlet was born to a Protestant father and Catholic mother, and raised in the latter's faith (apparently to the dismay of his father). He bypassed Harvard to attend Notre Dame, as he was interested in the priesthood. While at Notre Dame he met Abigail Barrington, which put an end to his clerical plans. They would marry and have three daughters, while he would go on to become an economist of note (sharing a Nobel Prize), professor, and eventually entered politics (a not surprising choice as he is related to the New Hampshire signatory of the Declaration of Independence of the same name).

Bartlet's faith was best seen more in personal moments than in policy, though you could argue that his interest in promoting and protecting human rights was influenced by it. While not strictly Catholic, perhaps the best moment showcasing religion was his clarification of the First Commandment (about halfway through the clip).

While there's a common sentiment that The West Wing and Bartlet were popular because they gave us the President we wanted rather than the one we had, you can also make an argument that they gave Catholics the follow-up to JFK that we wanted rather than the ones - John Kerry and, egads, Pat Buchannan - we could have had.

Lentorama 2009: Great(?) Moments in Catholics on Television

February 12, 2009: Callie Torres offers an unexpected lesson in praying

In case you didn't see the big Grey's Anatomy-Private Practice cross over event, it centered on Addison's brother, Archer, needing surgery to remove a number of worm-filled cysts that were in his brain. In the course of things, she wound up in the chapel but found herself unable to pray because, as a WASP, she only goes to church on Christmas.

Enter Callie Torres, who kneels down and prays out loud as an example to Addison. The content, however, is about the kiss she shared with pediatric surgeon Arizona Robbins, and how she'd like to see where it might lead, except that Arizona's hotness is countered by her perkiness and proclivity for wearing scrubs with butterflies on them. So Callie asks God to help her get over the butterflies (both the ones on the scrubs and the metaphorical ones that have kept Callie celibate since Erica's abrupt departure).

I'm not sure how you balance the example with the content, but I think Aquinas wrote something on prayer and hot lesbians.

Lentorama 2009: Great(?) Moments in Catholics on Television

February 16, 2004: Mel Gibson gets theological with Diane Sawyer

In an interview promoting The Passion of the Christ, Mel Gibson went on Primetime Live and talked about his personal struggles with addiction, his faith, and the movie, which was about as interesting as you might expect. At least until he mentioned that is was possible for non-Christians to get into heaven, which you think would be at odds with his Traditionalist beliefs, which look to roll back much of what was put in place after Vatican II.

Gibson also got to stick it to the Vatican a bit over whether or not the pope had seen the movie, which I guess would make him feel better for making All Dogs Go to Heaven that much closer to a documentary.

Lentorama 2009: Great(?) Moments in Catholics on Television

December 6, 1977: Father Tim Flotsky checks into the Pussy Cat Motel with Corinne Tate on Soap

Originally childhood friends, Corinne Tate developed an interest in Tim Flotsky as an adult. Unfortunately for her, this blossomed after he became a priest. This didn't stop her from trying to woo him away from the church, making confessions that would double as come-ons and telling him about her plans to move in with tennis pro Peter Campbell.

This strategy eventually worked, and just in time. While they were engaged in their less than hoy sacrament, Peter was murdered. Corinne was a leading suspect, based on Peter's infidelity and her threat to kill him if he cheated. She at first said that she was alone at the time of the killing, in order to protect Tim, but she later admitted their affair.

Tim would leave the priesthood and he and Corinne would move in together. Corinne would get pregnant shortly thereafter, delivering a baby six weeks after learning she was pregnant, apparently because the baby was posssessed by the devil.

And for all that, this probably still only the eighth-strangest plot in the show's history.

Lentorama 2009: Great(?) Moments in Catholics on Television

September 11, 1985: Robert Blake dons the collar

It makes perfect sense - if you need a guy to play a priest on TV, get Baretta. That's a summary of the thinking at NBC when they cast Blake, best known for playing cops, cowboys and other tough guys as Father Noah "Hardstep" Rivers, an ex-con turned preist who is looking to bring peace to his east LA parish, one sacrament at a time.

It didn't quite hit the mark with viewers, probably because they were confused at why it wasn't the nuns who were doling out the corporal punishment. Hell Town aired its last episode, fittingly, on Christmas Day in 1985.

Blake would not land another regular acting job after this, only making occasional appearances in TV, film, and news coverage of the criminal and civil trials following the murder of his second wife.

Lentorama 2009: Great(?) Moments in Catholics on Television

September 26, 1960: John Kennedy takes on Richard Nixon in the first-ever televised Presidential debate.

I don't think I need to go into specifics here, but if you don't know how this turned out, this page will give you a decent synopsis.

Catholics haven't fared so well in Presidential politics since, but we are currently a heartbeat away from our second Catholic president. I was reminded of this yesterday when I saw Joe Biden, complete with ashes on his forehead, on NBC Nightly News. And two heartbeats away there's Nancy Pelosi, who is also on the team. All that being said, it may not be a bad idea this Lent to say an extra prayer for the health and safety of President Obama.

It being Ash Wednesday, it's time to start 40 days of...

Lentorama 2009: Great(?) Moments in Catholics on Television

As you might have guessed from the question mark, some of these moments may not qualify as great in the normal sense. And considering that I only have about three-quarters of my list complete, these moments may devolve into an extended biography of our first subject...

November 16, 1976: Fr. Mulcahy performs a tracheotomy using his Tom Mix pocket knife.

Reminded by a patient that he's more at the war than in it, Fr. Mulcahy goes with Radar to an aid station, where he gets a more front-line view of the fighting. When a patient they are bringing back to the 4077 stops breathing due to a constricted airway, Hawkeye talks Mulcahy through a tracheotomy by radio, with the father using his trusty knife and the tube from his bottle of eye drops to get the soldier breathing again.

I always enjoyed the M*A*S*H episodes that were Mulcahy-heavy, and this one is in my top three for him. As a plus, the padre jumped ahead of all those TV doctors who perform the same procedure in hospitals with appropriate equipment, training and support staff. I'd like to see Mark Greene try to open an airway using the stuff in his pockets while assisted by a woozy corporal.

Book Log 2009 #8: The Secret of Annexe 3 by Colin Dexter

The new year brings a new mystery, as one of the attendees of a hotel's New Year's Eve party turns up dead the next morning. Morse and Lewis get the case, and have to work against the hazy memories of staff and guests - among other obstacles - to find the killer.

I can't say I liked this one as much as earlier entries in the series, but I also think I rushed reading it a bit.

I keep forgetting to mention that next year will mark the follow-up to the popular state quarters program, as we'll start a new series of quarters featuring a national park or historic place/thing from each state/territory/DC. And unlike the state quarter process, which saw us in Massachusetts get stuck with this uninspired result, we get to vote on what'll be on our national park coin.

But we've apparently replaced a dictatorship with anarchy, given this list of candidates. Nice to see that each county is represented, but a little extra winnowing would have been nice. I'm not familiar with the city halls in Worcester or Chicopee, but I'm not sure I'd want them on my quarter. Same goes with the Balch House, which even with the dose of homerism seems a little obscure to be on a quarter.

Picking a top 5 candidate list is a little fraught, but if you forced me to I'd go with:

1. Gloucester Fisherman's Memorial. Perhaps not the most representative choice for the entire state, but I think it's a good choice based on its nod to the state's fishing industry and because it'd be less open to design nonsense.

2. Minuteman National Historical Park. Were I designing it, I'd come up with something centered on North Bridge, which is scenic (bridge, water, trees) and connected with the "shot heard 'round the world" in Emerson's "Concord Hymn."

3. USS Constitution. This seems like as close to a no-brainer on the list as anything else. But after the aforementioned Rhode Island and Maine quarters, picking a ship may be a little derivative.

4. The Ether Dome. I think we can all get behind celebrating the birth of operations under anesthesia.

5. Jacob's Pillow Dance Festival. I have no idea how they'd make a design on this that's something other than people dancing and the name "Jacob's Pillow" somewhere, but I'd like to see someone try. My alternate Western Massachusetts pick would be Al's Diner in Chicopee, which I know nothing about but think would be fun to have on a coin.

So there you are. Voting continues through next week, and you can vote as much as you like, so feel free to stuff the ballot box for your favorite.

Book Log 2009 #7: The Charlemagne Pursuit by Steve Berry

The latest Cotton Malone thriller sees him dash around Europe and down to Antarctica to solve a puzzle involving Charlemagne and the possible existence of an advanced civilization that may also provide insight into the death of his father, a submariner. His foe is an ambitious Navy admiral whose is paving his path to the White House with the corpses of anyone who may get in his way - Malone included.

I think I liked this book more when I was actually reading it than I do now. The actual pursuit was not particularly involved, though it did feature historical structure-damaging gunplay, which is apparently required in this series. Rather than bring in the supporting characters from previous books, Malone goes on the pursuit with two sisters whose father also died in the sub accident that claimed Malone's dad, and that whole part of the book feels kind of clunky. To top it off, Malone never faces off with the book's real villain, a task that's seconded to Malone's former boss at the State Department and a White House national security deputy, who are likely to be married by the sixth installment of the series (as yet unnanounced, though it'll have a title like The Burgundian Deceit).

So while I don't know if I'd really recommend the book, if you've read others in the series I don't think you'd be particularly disappointed.

I've not followed all this A-Rod steroids nonsense too closely, but it has raised the question again of whom to blame. And while various people are lining up various villains, I have yet to hear the name of the one person who is clearly to blame for the steroids mess.

Cal Ripken, Jr.

Go back to 1995. Baseball is back after a season cut short by a player's strike. No World Series, no Tony Gwynn chasing .400, nothing. Fans are angry, and attendance figures are down. The national pastime is getting passed by football and basketball in popularity. Baseball is in trouble.

Then September 6 happens, Ripken passes Lou Gehrig to take the record for consecutive games played. The game is aired on ESPN and becomes one of its highest-rated games ever. There's a 22 minute standing ovation and a victory lap, with both President Clinton and Vice President Gore in attendance.

That, I think, is when the light bulb went off over various heads. The league and owners realize the power of having milestone records broken, and players see how breaking them will give them adulation in the short term and lasting fame - in the record and in an increased likelihood of making the Hall of Fame - in the longer term.

And what records are the most cherished in baseball? The ones involving home runs, of course. From there, we get andro, creatine, cream, clear, and a hierarchy that's more than willing to turn a blind eye to even the scant rules then on the books.

So thanks, Cal. This mess is all your fault.

Book Log 2009 #5 and #6: The Areas of My Expertise and More Information Than You Require by John Hodgman

Hodgman, a Former Professional Literary Agent turned Famous Minor Television Personality for playing "PC" in a series of Apple Computer ads, professed to provide us with COMPLETE WORLD KNOWLEDGE in The Areas of My Expertise, but then managed to find more knowledge - enough to fill an even longer book - which he imparted in More Information Than You Require. You might have expected a book of COMPLETE WORLD KNOWLEDGE would not allow for a sequel. But it did, thanks in large part to all of the knowledge in both books being completely made up (expect for the list of US Presidents who also had a hook for a hand, which is based in FACT).

Both books are recommended if you like humor, random CAPITALIZATION, and have a burning desire to learn about hobos or the Molemen, for whom Hodgman shows surprising sensitivity and interest. PERHAPS TOO MUCH.

About yesterday...

Game - that was the oddest Super Bowl in some time. Consider that it included:

• the longest play in Super Bowl a history, a 100 yard interception return for TD to end the first half
• a safety, the first since Super Bowl 25
• the first Aussie to play in a Super Bowl (punter Ben Graham)
• a missed opportunity to invoke the Tuck Rule at the end
• the NFC winning its 12th Super Bowl coin toss in a row
  
• the Arizona Cardinals

All in all, a better than expected game that made up in suspense what it sometimes lacked in execution. And while I'd have preferred a Cardinals win, I have no quibble with the Steelers.

Ads - unlike the game, these were less entertaining than expected. The best ad according to USA Today's Ad Meter was the Doritos ad where a guy uses a crystal ball to get free Doritos. It was apparently made by two guys with no advertising experience. Someone's getting fired today.

Meanwhile, the brain trust at Northwestern's Kellogg School of Management tabbed the Monster.com ad as the best of the bunch. Considering I had to check what this ad was about when I first read about this (and then had to check again before writing here - it's apparently the ad that had a guy sitting under the rear end of a deer), this may not be the best choice.

And to muddy things ever further, the GoDaddy "enhancement" ad was apparently the most-watched ad of the night. I assume it has to do with the promise of seeing boobies if you go online to watch the rest of the ad.

All that being said, three ads that I liked better than the AdMeter folks were the Pepsi "MacGruber" spot, the Hulu ad with Alec Baldwin, and the Audi ad (mostly for the way Jason Statham doesn't even try to use a Lexus to make a getaway).

Puppies! - and yes, I did watch some of the Puppy Bowl, both before the game as a time killer and during halftime (which managed to sync up with PB's all-kitty halftime). I'd have been more interested had there been a daschund involved, but I did like the touch of using a Chinese Crested as a streaker.