CBS presented its fall lineup today. To wit:

THE NEW

Threshold joins Fathom and Invasion in that oddly popular genre of aquatic-based paranormal drama. I was only partially kidding yesterday when I said that the first two shows were actually shot at the same time. Now, considering the economy of scale, I firmly believe that all three shows are being made in some sort of joint project involving NOAA, SETI@Home, and various branches of the US military. The one difference is that I've heard of a number of the actors involved in this project: Charles S. Dutton, Brent Spiner, and Carla Gugino.

Data or no Data, I'm still not going to watch this show about the discovery of a UFO landing in the Atlantic Ocean. Even if CBS had the good sense to use a body of water that actually exists.

Ghost Whisperer has nothing to do with Nicholas Sparks novels, thankfully. It does star Jennifer Love Hewitt, though, so we don't get off that easily. She apparently can hear the pleas of the dead, asking for help or things she cant' quite figure out. Kind of a Tru of Arcadia, but without the God or the need to make up actors as cadavers.

Both of these shows air on Friday before Numb3rs, which should be cold comfort indeed for Rob Morrow.

Close to Home is a prosecutorial drama set in the 'burbs, kind of a Law & Order: Desperate Housewives. Jerry Bruckheimer ends his run of vaugely sexual-sounding titles with this one. The prosecutor is a new mom who takes on the toughest cases, "fueled by her passion to protect her community and her family." In other words, a soccer mom with the keys to the electric chair. Yikes.

Criminal Minds is yet another show about criminal profilers, but the involvement of Mandy Patankin leaves hope that at least some of the serial killers they'll hunt have a love for over-the-top Broadway numbers. Thomas Gibson co-stars, as the first part of CBS's plan to bring back Dharma and Greg without actually bringing the show back comes to pass.

Oh yeah, this gets to air opposite Lost and E-Ring. Good luck!

The first of the two new sitcoms is How I Met Your Mother, which is set in flashback as man tells how he met his spouse. Good: Allyson Hannigan is involved. OK: Bob Saget only does the voice-overs. Egad: Neil Patrick Harris plays the wacky friend of the main character, kind of a grown Eddie Haskell for the 21st century.

It gets the gift of the time slot between The King of Queens and Two and a Half Men, so we'll at least get one full season of the show.

Out of Practice is an ensemble piece about a family of doctors. PAULA MARSHALL ALERT!!! She's in a cast that includes Stockard Channing and Henry Winkler, both of whom have their most recent experience playing medical types (First Lady Dr. Abagail Bartlet and the dentist who had the bug-crusing fetish on The Practice).

(Correction: Winkler has more recently been seen as the Bluth family attorney on Arrested Development and as a hotshot pathologist on Crossing Jordan. Kudos to Craig for the catch.)

It airs in-between Two and a Half Men and CSI: Miami, so we'll see how strong Marshall's show-crushing power really is with this one.

Mid-season brings two shows, most notably Everything I Know About Men starring Jenna Elfman. She plays a secretary trying to sort out men, completely unlike that woman Heather Graham is playing over on ABC. I'd love to see these two get scheduled against each other, for chaos purposes. In addition, it's apparently based on an awful British sitcom. Did they run out of good ones to filch?

(Oh, and to feed into my David Mamet comment yesterday, he's involved in the other mid-season replacement, the special ops drama The Unit.)

THE OLD

Among the shows getting the boot are Joan of Arcadia (quite a crash and burn there), Judging Amy, and Listen Up! (too bad PTI is pre-empted today). Some movement among returning sitcoms in the wake of Everybody Loves Raymond, but nothing major.

I hope the presentation lived up to standards (Les Moonves apparently puts on quite a show), because on paper these all sound pretty unremarkable.