After going to the Celtics game last night, I can now tell you with all certainty that Red Auerbach did not die of a heart attack.

He was killed by the Celtics Dancers.

Red was a long-time opponent of this sort of thing, so when the team put this group together while Red was still living - and NBA TV then went and made a special about the team's formation - how could it have not led to his demise?

In any event, it appears that the primary qualification for being on the team is to have hair long enough to toss around sexily. There was a lot of that.

This was also my first time seeing the TDFleetBanknorthShawmutCenterGarden's new scoreboard (or, as Wikipedia puts it, "HD entertainment board"). Which, from our seats near the floor, looked like the Mothership ready to land at center court and disgorge the P-Funk All Stars. While it has four "sides" (one for each screen), it also has three circular video ribbons and a flared bottom that looks like a bell for a rocket engine.

Oh, and there was a game, which the Celtics lost in grand fashion, blowing a 15 point third quarter lead en route to a 106-103 decision for the New Jersey Nets. The Celts didn't play poorly per se, but rather decided at some point to stop defending. They also don't have much of an inside game, which doesn't help matters. We did not stay for the post-game concert featuring Akon, which I know will come as a surprise to all.