I got suckered/guilted/cajoled into watching the American Music Awards last night. I'm not much of an awards show watcher. The only show I usually watch is the Oscars. Watching the show last night, I rediscovered why this is so.

Hosting the broadcast was Sean Puffy P. Diddy Props for Biggie No Cap Bustin' J Lo No Go Combs and Jenny McCarthy. They mostly stayed out of the way, which was for the best. Combs has better stage presence that McCarthy, which should surprise no one. Their pairing, however, provided one of the themes for the evening. Consider these presentation groupings: India.Arie and Carrot Top; Rose McGowan, Ginuwine, and Ludacris; Faith Evans and new country group Trick Pony. Those were the oddest. Others were less bizarre but as lame (an apparently drunk Chris Klein and Nikki Taylor tops memory).

I will commend Ashton Kutcher, who plays Kelso on That '70s Show, for his introduction of Brooks and Dunn, which noted that they would never say things like "Yo, bitch, where my horse be at?" I know, he didn't write it, but the delivery was better than most.

Musicians don't have much to say when they're not thanking God or the record company machine that propelled them to the award. So when a group won two, the second "speech" was either used to mop up forgotten people from the first speech or devolved into babbling. Never went too long, thankfully, just kind of pointless.

My three favorite performances:

3. Kid Rock sets up a tape recorder and Kid Rock dummy to start a song, his comment on lip-synching performances. Unfortunatley, about halfway through he actually did perform one of his many, many songs about how he's the Kid Rockinest Kid Rock around.

2. Britney Spears actually sings a song from Crossroads, her upcoming movie. Ever wonder why her songs are so over produced and slathered with backup singing? Because, and I borrow a quote whose source I sadly cannot find, she has the voice of a nightingale drowning in hot tar. Her voice is reed thin, and expresses less range than the lovesick robot in those Staples ads that run over the holiays.

1. Yolanda Adams, a nominee in the "inspirational" music category (better known as gospel to you an me) blows the roof off the dump with a song whose name I can't find. I'm hoping Britney and her ilk were taking notes.

Luther Vandross did a medly of two George Harrison songs during a tribute to musicians who died in 2001. Started with "Something in the Way She Moves," ended with "My Sweet Lord." Why is this notable? They removed all the instances of "Hare Krishna" and replaced them with "hallelujah." Doesn't seem like the most fitting way to honor Harrison, given his faith.

I'm sure somewhere I get karma or good boyfriend points for having watched this.