I've come to the conclusion that I want to play in the no limit Texas Hold 'Em event at the World Series of Poker. I've been watching much of ESPN's coverage of the 2003 event, as well as Travel Channel coverage of the World Poker Tour, and I'm intrigued.

There are a few problems with this idea, though.

1. I don't have the $10,000 entry fee. If you do, and don't mind sending someone to the tournament to be dead money, feel free to drop me a line.

2. I don't play cards that much. Suffice it to say that I'm a very raw novice, with almost all of what I know coming from watching tournament coverage. Some time perusing books by former champs and playing in other tournaments would help, though it adds to the problem above and the problem below.

Even when I do play cards, I'm not that good.

3. I'm too cheap to play. The idea of losing that much money is a little galling. I could use it for other, more important purposes. Or piss it away over time.

4. I may not be screwed up enough to play at that level. As seems to be the case with top-shelf competitors in things like the National Spelling Bee, pro Scrabble, and college bowl, a heaping bowlful of the WSOP players seem to have interesting personality quirks, so to speak. Of course, there's also the sizeable minority of players whose lack of affect suggests that under slightly different conditions, they'd have turned out sociopathic.

My guess is that I'd be a reasonably affable yet slightly annoying amateur. Someone who forgets when to bet yet stumbles into pots.

I suppose I'll just keep to watching poker for now.