Cavalcade of Questionable Decisions

Brought to you by Bad Idea Jeans: "I didn't use protection, but I figure, 'Hey, when am I getting back to Haiti?'"

I'll Never Use the Guest Bathrooms Again

An artist has attempted to make a wry statement on Italian politics and prime minister Silvio Berlusconi by making a bar of soap out of fat removed from the PM during a liposuction procedure in Switzerland.

According to the artist, Gianni Motti:

Berlusconi had face lifting and liposuction operations in a clinic in Lugano, where I have good connections that provided me with some of the fat. It was jelly-like and it stunk horribly, like butter gone off or old chip pan oil.

I came up with the idea because soap is made of pig fat, and I thought how much more appropriate it would be if people washed their hands using a piece of Berlusconi.

Those of you who've always dreamed of attending to personal hygeine using materials made from leaders of G8 nations can obtain the Berlusconi Bar for roughly $17,000.

(Special thanks to Laura DeVeau for the heads up.)

Bad sense of direction? Let's send him camping!

Brennan Hawkins, an 11 year-old who is described by his parents as having a bad sense of direction, was located five days after wandering off at a Boy Scout camp in Utah. He apparently got lost while walking down a dirt road. I suppose he was confused not having the middle yellow line to follow.

Seriously, I'm glad he's OK, but when he does attend his first Boy Scout meeting let's get him some basic hiking training before he actually does meander into a snowmelt-engorged waterway.

I hope no one watches Question Time on CSPAN-2

Senator Joe Biden of Delaware is talking about making a run at the Presidency in 2008. While his 30 year Senate tenure and position as ranking Democrat on the Senate Foreign Relations committee are selling points, his failed 1988 run, which ended when he was caught using quotes from British politician Neil Kinnock without attributing them, will likely come up again at some point.

He's given himself to the end of the year to decide. He also has to decide if he'll run for re-election to the Senate, which may save the Dems the grief of calling him out on plagarizing from a Laborite who couldn't unseat Margaret Thatcher. He at least could have stolen from a winner.

One channel and nothing on

If you tuned in to NBC tonight to watch Katie Couric interview the "runaway bride," grab a fondue fork and jam the pointy part into your left eyeball. Then remove it, and jam it into your right eyeball. Twice.

If you followed that up by watching the Hilton mere's new show, well, I can't say too much as I was asked to tape it for future viewing. You may pity or mock me as you wish.

But they at least get all the animal testicles they can eat

The Writer's Guild of America wants to get writers and other staffers from unscripted TV into unionized contracts, saying that work on those shows requires longer hours and results in less pay and no benefits for those who toil to bring us such fare as Average Joe: The Joes Strike Back and the aforementioned Hilton production (which wouldn't be the first time a Hilton business venture made money off of exploiting non-union labor, I'd have to think).

The guild called used the term "telecommunications sweatshop" to describe working conditions on unscripted programming. One can only hope that, like call centers, these shows get outsourced to India or somewhere similarly distant. Look for Aishwarya Rai to star in Dancing With the Stars 2: Revenge of the Frug.

I suppose it'd be a good thing to make it more known that reality programming is actually highly structured and not, as I like to refer to the genre, unscripted. On the other hand, it may be the impetus for the networks to show even more cheaply made footage, like security camera tapes or PAX originals.

So much for going Hollywood

Winn Dixie, the supermarket chain whose name graced a recent movie featuring, among others, Dave Matthews (something for the haters to latch on to), announced that iwas closing over 300 stores and giving the pink slip to 22,000 workers in a post-bankruptcy re-organization.

Even though they filed for bankruptcy protection in February, they managed to land at number 182 on the 2005 Fortune 500 list. A kid with a well-sited lemonade stand could apparently crack the top 100.

We can only hope that the Piggly Wiggly is safe, to forestall a good haunting by Jessica Tandy.

Oh, and we can have swimming in the East River

In an attempt to revive its flagging Olympic bid, New York City announced that they'd replace plans for a Manhattan-based Olympic stadium with a Queens-based venue that would eventually replace Shea Stadium. Assuming they can get any concrete from the new Yankee Stadium project.

If this does come to pass, can you imagine what John Rocker will say about the 7 train?

All bidding cities pitched to African IOC delegates looking for support. Paris officials noted that they should get support given "long-standing relations between France and Africa." Which included owning most of west Africa, a bloody colonial war in Algeria, and a popular rightist political party that would like to deport anyone who currently lives in France who is more cafe au lait in skin tone than peche.

London reps noted that they'd use temporary venues that could be donated to African countries after the Games, while Madrid supporters noted an Olympics there would be the closest held to that continent ever. Even though for it being so close, they might as well be on Neptune. Moscow, at least, didn't try to fashion some rationale for African support like "You like our guns" or "We thought enough of you to use you as proxies during the Cold War." For that alone they'd get my vote.