Bill Simmons may have written one of the worst pieces ever in his Grammy log. Never mind the overt and covert sexism, he's just wrong in a number of places.

1. Joe Pantoliano has been wearing Kangol hats for years. Perhaps not less disturbing, but it's not exactly recent.

2. It's Tito PUENTE.

3. "A Thousand Miles" isn't a new song. It's not even the most recent single from Vanessa Carlton's album!

4. Apparently Bill doesn't read columns by his fellow ESPN.com writers in regards to a Tyson reality show.

5. "...Nothing but good things to say about Avril Lavigne"? It's qualitative rather than factual, but come on! I assume he didn't have the sound up while casting lecherous glances at his TV.

6. Apparently, Simmons missed the point that the band The Roots was backing up Eminem, not just a drummer wearing a Randall Cunningham jersey. How much of this show did he actually watch?

7. Kid Rock and Sheryl Crow have a single out now. I don't like it, but it's popular; it's even in the top 20 of the Billboard Hot 100. That may explain their pairing here, don't you think?

8. Simmons seems to think that Joe Strummer played the drums for The Clash. I don't even know where to begin with this. Let's see...

a. His stage name was Joe Strummer. You don't exactly "strum" the drums.
b. Simmons fails to note Strummer by name, even though he was the last person in the death montage,
c. AND WAS SHOWN PLAYING THE GUITAR.
d. A cursory check of the All Music Guide shows that The Clash had two drummers, Terry Chimes and Topper Headon, who both appear to be very much alive. Heck, that may have been one of them playing last night. You'd think someone with network credentials (even if it is for Jimmy Kimmel's show) could have gotten a press release.

Considering that Simmons alludes to The White Stripes and The Strokes as having "jumpstarted the garage/punk sound again," you'd think he'd have even a basic grasp on who Joe Strummer was. Otherwise he's talking out of his ass... oh, wait a minute.

To be fair, in the original version I referred to Simmons as "Brian," apparently channeling the linebacker from the Bengals. There's apparently a Blue Jays player by this name, too, but I've not heard of him. Nobody's perfect, but I'm still seven mistakes behind Simmons, at least.