To use the local vernacular, I am wicked pissed at Dunkin' Donuts. They have apparently discontiued the cruller.

For those of you not familiar with the cruller, it is a braided doughnut, straight rather than round. Most often plain, but also often available in chocolate and marble (plain and chocolate braided together), crullers have been around for ages, but they seem to have a particular resonance with locals, myself included.

In the place of the cruller is the "stick," which I've not seen but the description in the article makes it sound like a doughnut loaf. Not surprisingly, much of the change is being blamed on how the dougnuts are made, and that you can't make crullers by machine.

As you'd note in the article, crullers were one of the four original types of doughnuts that Dunkin' Donuts offered. Thus, the company is moving even farther away from its roots as it tries to ape Starbucks and Krispy Kreme.

Now you may be wondering why this is bothering me so, given that I treated the arrival of Krispy Kreme with a "doughnuts are doughnuts" mentality. Well, there are three reasons.

1. I like crullers more than regular doughnuts. They're more substantial.

2. Faster isn't better. Thinking along the lines of James Dinan's recent post, my guess is that In-n-Out Burger is a little slower than McDonald's. Yet I don't think I have ever met anyone who's had both that prefers the latter to the former.

3. The idea that doughnut technology is somehow making the cruller obsolete is farcical. It strikes me as odd that the PhDs at Dunkin' Donuts Laboratories can't come up with a cruller-making machine. If you can make pretzels by machine, you should be able to do the same with crullers. And if it's an issue of the dough, why not just use the old dough for the crullers? Or are they using the same dough to make everything? Time to start checking the bagels.

I'm also annoyed as it's another jab at local foods. I'm sure most of you don't remember the Crown Pilot cracker fiasco. Long a staple of chowder-eaters, Nabisco announced in 1996 that it was going to do away with the cracker. This pissed off the wrong folks (many of them Mainers, who I've come to learn shouldn't be riled en masse, especially about something they consider traditional to Maine), and Nabisco relented.

I'm not sure that the same sort of groundswell will happen here. For their part, Dunkin' Donuts doesn't even recognize the change on its website. There's news of their fall doughnut flavors, the new coffee products they're rolling out, and plenty of rosy business news about parent company Allied Domecq Quick Service Restaurants (who also own Baskin-Robbins and Togo's). ADQSR is part of a British-based company, which might explain the whole mess. It's part of a long-term revenge strategy for the Revolutionary War. Damn limeys.

While you can lodge comments on line, I plan on penning an actual letter. Anyone who cares to do so as well should direct their missive to:

Dunkin' Donuts Customer Care
14 Pacella Park Drive
Randolph MA 02386

You can even call to complain (800-859-5339), though I tend to express myself better in writing. Though Sarah has warned me off of using phrases like "traitorious bastards" and "craven morons," which is probably for the best.