30 January 2004

For whatever business acumen the male team on The Apprentice may have, they lack a certain level of common sense. Let's look back on the four week history of Versacorp:

Week one saw the men try to sell lemonade to empty streets. They had a good location - for rush hour. Setting up where one might find people, such as Central Park, Museum Row, Times Square, or even by Lincoln Center, didn't seem to occur to anyone. Sam's strategy of trying to sell a glass of lemonade for $1000 didn't help, but at that point in the game it didn't really hurt, either.

Week two presented the novel idea that you can sell a product or service without ever talking to the leadership of the company that provides said product or service. Then, after a pep talk from a major advertising exec about how they should "swing for the fences," the guys make a TV commercial with all the novelty and pop of local cable.

Week three proved that none of these guys know how to shop, as they try to haggle for items in boutiques and high-end spas. They were on the right track at first, but decided to blindly follow their project manager rather than, say, split up to cover both Chinatown and wherever they were supposed to go to buy gold. Given that the project manager was Sam, you could guess where this was going to end up.

Week four saw the guys try to run the Planet Hollywood in Times Square, but prove the only marketing strategy they could think of was the same time-honored plan used by strip clubs and nudie bars: stand outside and hustle passersby. Given that most folks know that your best profits come from the bar, you think they'd have considered a drink promotion or two.

And so it is now that Versacorp will be plowed under, as the ragtag survivors of that corporate train wreck are mixed in with the women. The women, of course, got the stern lecture from The Donald about the consequences of using sex to sell all the time, though it probably won't sink in until someone goes to jail.

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